CNN Sells T-Shirts With Headlines

This is going to be short. 

Since April CNN has been selling t-shirts with some of their “lighter” headlines on them, followed by “I just saw it on CNN.com” and the date. But who decides which headlines aren’t about serious subjects, and are therefore okay to make light of? I wonder if the “Size 4 Teen Model [who was] Called too ‘Obese’” or people who “Can’t Make [it too a] Funeral [and] Catch it on Web” are happy about their stories being used as taglines to promote CNN’s website. I mean it’s a brilliant marketing technique, but it is it really ok to do? 

Of course a “headline” has always been a tagline to sell papers, news shows, magazines, etc. But in those cases the stories are right there along with the headline to give a (hopefully) fairer and less sensational view of the story. Although, in the case of these kinds of headlines, are they really reporting important information that people should know, or are they just making fun of people? Does the fact that these headlines ends up on t-shirts answer that question for us? Which leads to the even broader question of whether teasing people is really a valid activity for a serious news outlet to engage in.

Social Anxiety: Ahh The Irrational Fear

I think my two favorite “entertainment” past times have to be Stargate and Uru. If  I’m being brutally honest, sometimes I find myself living Friday to Friday in between new episodes of Stargate: Atlantis, and filling the rest of my time preparing for yet another reincarnation of my favorite computer game, Uru. 

In fact, while browsing the Uru forums (where I am a highly active lurker) I notice a lot of Stargate sigs, and have often read posts referencing the show. The second most commonly referenced TV show on the Uru forums seems to be Dr. Who, followed by Battlestar Galactica – both of which I’m also a fan of. So you would think I would feel perfectly comfortable in a community which also seems to be filled with people who share my other interests (graphics, art, programming, and even some of my lamer music choices) as well. In addition, the Uru community is full of mostly welcoming, friendly people, with very little of the immature trolling you find in other forums. So basically were talking about one of the most non-threatening social groups there would be for someone like me to participate in. 

But even though we’re talking about just posting on the forums, my social anxiety prevents me from feeling comfortable enough to post very often. When I do, you know I’m having a good day anxiety-wise, and, if I weren’t anonymous, the amount of my posts would tell you how few of those I have. 

A lot of what social anxiety is can be boiled down to fear of judgment. Now that’s a very simplistic definition, but it’s one most people seem to be able to at least partly relate to. Even in a community so perfectly suited to someone with my interests, filled with friendly people who have a similar sense of humor and a similar way of looking at the world in general, I’m still too uncomfortable and anxious to really participate. It’s completely irrational. Yes, that’s right, I know it makes no sense; I know my fear is unreasonable. 

One of the most difficult things for someone who does not suffer from social anxiety disorder to grasp is the concept that we know our fears are irrational and we have them anyway. It’s one of the characteristics which defines social anxiety (I mean it’s literally on a list that therapists use to make the social anxiety diagnoses). If you have never been afraid of something for which you know there is no reason to be afraid of, you can’t possible understand how devastating this disorder can be.

I am not the kind of person who shrieks away from situations in general. I’m the one who keeps her head in a crisis. I am not squeamish. I am not some delicate flower who needs protecting. But when confronted with a social situation I become the polar opposite of my true nature. Imagine the loss of control one feels in such a situation. It’s as though you have no control over the only thing anyone ever has genuine control over, oneself. You know one thing in your head, and sometimes you’re screaming the truth inside, but your body, your voice is not really you own. It’s involuntary, which makes it terrifying. 

Despite the fact that I see myself as a bit of a bad-ass, every time another person sees me, they see the “me” that’s afraid — because, by default, if another person is around, I’m anxious. So people see me not as a bad-ass, but a weakling. They never see the real me. Because I’m such a “sweet, shy little thing”, people take pity on me, and tend to be extra nice. You would think people being nice to me would make me less afraid of people, but in fact it just makes me feel guilty. I see other people around me who really deserve to be treated just as nice, but they aren’t. So it just ends up feeding my low opinion of myself. ‘If all those people who are extra nice to me knew the real me they wouldn’t be so nice, therefore I don’t deserve to be treated nicely’ — and that brings on a feeling of shame about who I am. I tend to feel like compliments given me are patronizing and that if I didn’t seem so pathetic I’d be treated poorly too. And yeah that opens up a whole new can of worms when it comes to wanting to get better, because ‘getting better would mean I wouldn’t be treated as well’. (Very self-sustaining disorder isn’t it?) 

In addition, being afraid of people (and that’s what we’re talking about here, a phobia of people) leads to a lot of rationalizing. It’s like when people who are afraid to fly start listing all the things that could go wrong with an airplane, believing that they are wrong. When it’s people you’re afraid of, you start listing all of the things that could be/are wrong with people. You condition yourself to believe that people are “bad”, which is another reason one might resist getting better. ‘What if I get better, don’t like people, and turn into a bitch? I don’t want to be a bitch and I’m afraid that’s who I am underneath all of this fear, someone who looks down on others. I don’t want to become someone who treats other people badly. I’m afraid of becoming the thing that I fear, and even more afraid that I already am.’

How Do You Deal With Anger You Know is Unjustified?

Everyday I wake up and try to force myself to “do something”, sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t. In addition to suffering from Social Anxiety Disorder for the last 18 years, I’ve suffered from depression for almost 3. When I was a teenager, adults would constantly ask if I was depressed in an attempt to find out why I was missing so much school. I never thought I was depressed, and 3 years ago I confirmed I definitely was not. Boy it’s good to be right.

 

I had a string of things happen starting with minor stuff, like jury duty (remember I have a fear of social situations), my computer needing to be replaced, my dog was having health problems, a strange reoccurring exhaustion that would leave me bedridden for 2 week at a time, I had to do everything at least twice for work, because I consistently screwed it up one or more times, by the end of the year almost every electrical device I owned went bad and had to be replaced (seriously, from my TV to my toaster – pretty much everything except my phone), and just a truly bizarre amount of little things going wrong, one after the other. It was all little stuff, but I had never in my life experienced such an overwhelming amount of it all at the same time.

 

After a few months of one little thing after another, it became one big thing after another – with all the little stuff still going wrong too. In August, my dog got much sicker. Her head would twist sharply to one side, she’d walk into walls, she’d quiver, she was vomiting more, and she’d just lay their whimpering and nothing I tried would comfort her. Every night, I’d have to lay on the floor with her while she shook and whined until she’d fall asleep, otherwise, she would pace around the floor in a panic, whimpering and crying all night. She wouldn’t sleep on the bed with me, and I could see an almost constant anxiety and reoccurring panic in her. This was all in addition to her chronic bronchitis, which would make her wheeze and cough like a smoker, and hypothyroidism for which she required daily medication. She’d survived breast cancer twice before, and had a history of coming out of situations where her survival chances were low. Our vet said it was probably a brain tumor and referred us to a neurologist.

 

So my mom and I took her to the neurologist. He agreed that it was probably a brain tumor. An MRI (to look for a tumor) with a test for Meningitis (a remote possibility) would cost $3000. I couldn’t afford that, and my mom said she wouldn’t pay for it. Besides a tumor, or Meningitis, there were a few rare diseases which he could do blood tests for. He also said that judging by her symptoms, the brain tumor (if it existed) was likely in a location making it inoperable, and radiation treatment would cost about $10,000, would mean sending her to Colorado by herself for at least 1 month, and was unlikely to save her. We had the blood tests done hoping it was one of those rare “something elses” – “something else” that could be treated or better yet cured. When the nurse called to give us the results, she assumed it was good news that they were negative. My mom, who answered the call, played along with her excitement because she didn’t want to be rude. I was sitting there watching her act happy, and then found out there was nothing to be happy about.

 

Around October, my mom threw her back out. Every time she felt better she’d stubbornly try to do “just a little housework” and throw it out again. So she was unable to do most of the things she normally did, off and on for about 2 months. I’d take over her part of the housework – at least the part that absolutely had to be done, and my father, brother, and I took care of bringing her food, drink, etc., so she wouldn’t have to get up too much.

 

Then one morning we had to rush my dad to the hospital because he thought he was having a heart attack. A few years ago he had bypass surgery to place a stint, and he was, and is, on high blood pressure medication. He was in the hospital for 3 days, and they never did determine what happened.

 

In November my dog started getting worse. She’d whine to go outside all night. I’d take her out and she would pace around the yard whimpering and moaning, clearly confused and scared. After about 20 minutes in the cold, I’d carry her in to the house, and she’d immediately start whining to go out again. So we’d go in and out all night, neither one of us getting much sleep. Then it was my mom’s birthday, and I spent that night taking my dog in and out again. But this time she was giving me these pleading looks (which I am crying about even as I write this almost 3 years later). She looked at me like she was begging for help to make it stop. Her confusion was also much worse, and at one point outside I tried to pick her up to go back in and she bit at my hand and growled, looking at me like I was a complete stranger. She didn’t want to be touched, but I couldn’t let her stay out in the cold.

 

At about 6:30 in the morning, after having been up all night, I went in and woke my mom up and told her what an awful night we’d had and that I wanted to go to the vet. So my mom called and I heard her saying she thought is was time to “let her go”. She wasn’t making an appointment to see the vet, she was making an appointment to have my dog put to sleep. I had wanted to see if we could try some pain medication or something for her anxiety, I had thought we wouldn’t loose her till around Christmas – it was supposed to be at least another month. But I didn’t say anything, I was in shock.

 

I held her on my lap on the way over. I carried her in, I held her on my lap in the waiting room. I laid my head against hers and tried to comfort her. She was calmer than before, but still quivering (something she had done all her life when we’d go to the vet). I cradled her head like a baby, and spoke to her. I tried not to cry in front of the other people in the waiting room, managing to only quietly sob. When the girl came out and started to tell us what was going to happen now she asked, “you’re going to sit with her aren’t you?” I said no. I couldn’t, I wanted to get out of there, I wanted to run somewhere away from other people and just scream as loud as I could. I wanted to go somewhere where I could curl up into a ball and cry. I didn’t want to watch her die. So she took her and we left. Later of course I felt an incredible amount of guilt. I wondered to myself if she was scared when it happened, but deep down I already knew she was. She’d spent the last month of her life scared. Of course she was.

 

A few days later it was Thanksgiving, and we had family over. Then Christmas, and New Years blew by in a blur. By January I knew I was depressed. For the first time in my life I was thinking about dying. I was never suicidal, but it would temporarily cross my mind for a couple seconds at a time. I’d always stop myself from thinking about it immediately. Intellectually I knew it wasn’t the answer, and with the exception of my irrational fear of people, my intellect almost always wins out. But now I can definitively say I know what depression feels like, there’s absolutely no doubt. I didn’t need anyone to tell me that’s what it was, I knew it completely.

 

In the meantime, a relative of one of my in-laws had her throat slit and was left for dead. Her would-be murderers didn’t know what they were doing though, so she thankfully survived. (I won’t give any more detail, except to say she’s not someone I’m close to but I’m very glad she’s alright and they caught those responsible.)  And I now had something specific to think about when I thought about my own problems and told myself “things could be worse”.

 

I had hardly worked since August, and that new computer I had to charge the previous summer wasn’t getting paid off because of it. I made my minimum payments and that was it. I had to borrow money from my parents for my mailbox rental and business license. Then I had a disagreement with my brother, who had been a client, and was fired by him. Then I had a huge fight over my nephew. None of these things were great tragedies, but piled on top of everything else they felt like it. I was now having some physical repercussions just from being under stress for such a prolonged period.

 

Then in June, two men (well, they were about 19 or 20) busted down the front door to my house a little after midnight. They were, we believe, trying to rob the house. They held both my parents at gun point, while I hid in my bedroom with a phone that, to my surprise, had no dial tone. They even fired a shot towards my mom to try and scare her. We were all okay, but let’s just say there were some emotional consequences from the rest of the family which did not help matters. In fact, one family member really made things a whole lot worse than they had to be – actually screaming and swearing at us on several occasions for not being more upset. This family member didn’t want to get past what had happened, and wouldn’t let us move on either; telling us that we were being selfish and inconsiderate of their feelings because we weren’t feeling the way we were “supposed” to about what had happened to us. So instead of moving on with our lives in about two months, we had about 6 or 7 extra months of arguments and drama, anger and blame, paranoia and bullshit (excuse me but it’s true), all for no good reason. The three of us who had been there during the robbery were ready to move on, but we weren’t “allowed” to until this particular person was finally ready to back off. And I mean we weren’t allowed, with months of almost daily verbal abuse and some truly frightening pronouncements, I wanted to move somewhere and never see this family member again.

 

Before all of this “bad luck” started, I was actually at a high point in my life. I was getting more control over my anxiety, and I had started a business which was doing alright. I had more hope for my future than I had had since I was a kid. Thing were really going well. But now I feel sad, guilty, hopeless, and angry. I am starting to feel a little less overwhelmed at this point and maybe even a little hopeful again, but I have a long way to go still. One of the things I’m having trouble resolving is my anger. I’m angry at myself of course, but the problem lies with my anger towards other people.

 

Take my mom, for example. I have no right to be angry with her, and she certainly doesn’t deserve my anger in any way. Even though I shouldn’t, I feel angry because she had the money for my dog’s MRI. I’m angry because she decided to have her put to sleep, and she didn’t even ask me. I wasn’t consulted about whether or not I wanted a necropsy (an autopsy for animals), my mom just made the arrangements without talking to me. I’ll never know whether she really had a tumor (Her symptoms came and then disappeared for a couple of months before returning, which doesn’t happen with tumors.). I need to know whether I could have done anything and now I never will. Of course I’m sure my mother made those decisions in an attempt to make things easier on me; I know she was just trying to help. And, after all, I didn’t say anything, I just went along, I was just too much in shock. And I still haven’t said anything. How could I be angry? She loved my dog almost as much as I did. She still gets sad thinking about her too. She’s depressed herself, I think, and I don’t want to make her feel worse by telling her how I feel.

 

So how do I resolve this anger? Usually, when you’re angry with someone, you tell them how you feel and work through it; you express it instead of bottling it up. I know my anger is unjustified, and telling her how I feel will make her feel worse. But after 3 years the anger is still there. My head knows it’s wrong, but my heart won’t let go. If I don’t resolve my anger, how will I ever get passed this? Sometimes I’ll snap at her for no apparent reason. She thinks I’m just grumpy, but I think it might be my repressed anger showing through. I can’t tell her how I feel; I know it would make her feel guilty, and I don’t want that. I want her to start feeling better too. 

I feel guilty because of my anger. Even if I resolve all of my other feelings, I’ll still be left with this anger and this guilt. So am I doomed to feel angry and guilty and depressed for the rest of my life? How do I resolve my anger without hurting someone else’s feelings? If I know there’s no reason to be angry, why won’t it go away?

Resurrecting the Adventure Game

Once upon a time, computers games were rarely about hacking, slashing, shooting, and looting. Before computers had the hardware to deliver lightening fast action, the adventure game was king. Games like “King’s Quest”, “Myst”, “Quest for Glory”, “Monkey Island”, “Rama”, and “Space Quest” dominated store shelves for both PC and Mac. They were about engaging in an interactive story, solving mysteries and puzzles, and exploring new worlds. They had developed characters, detailed settings, and complex story lines.

 

But sometime in the late 90’s, home computers became capable of the kind of action console systems provided. Actions games outsold adventures, and adventure game companies found it increasingly difficult to compete for the limited shelf space in stores. The adventure game fans didn’t go anywhere, but the new action market left little to no room for the “old” style of gaming.

 

There have been a few non-action game successes since then, like “The Sims” for example. People have started buying more of their computer games from online retailers too, allowing for a little more “shelf space” for “oddities” like adventure games. Of course online retailers still have real world warehouses with limited space, and buying inventory that might not sell is a risk. Downloadable versions of games gave a little more wiggle room, but the younger generation, who constitute the bulk of computer game consumers, just aren’t familiar with the adventure game concept. “Games with no fighting? No killing? No leveling? No scores? wtf?” They’re too used to jumping in and immediately trying to figure out how to kill stuff, or how to do the trickier moves and build points; finding the right buttons to push and then mashing them until they’ve won. Story doesn’t really enter into it, as least not as much more than an afterthought. People enjoy watching movies and TV shows, and despite the fact that adventure games are like getting to star in one, the concept hasn’t been able to regain very much ground with consumers.

 

Every once and awhile a new adventure game comes out, usually from a small “independent” studio, with little funding to produce and market their games. Just last week, Cyan (the creators of the “Myst” series of games) announced they’re making their third attempt at cult favorite “Uru”. “Uru” was originally published in 2003 by UbiSoft, but they cancelled the online component before it was even launched. Then, in 2006, Turner’s fledgling GameTap service gave it a go — lasting a little over a year, and ultimately deciding to cancel the online game for “business reasons” a couple of months ago. Now Cyan is attempting to publish the game themselves, using their own servers. This time they’re trying to pull it off with less than 10 people on the development team, with user-created-content being the primary source of new material. Uru’s rabid fan base are highly devoted to getting “their” game back, and seem more than willing to provide new content themselves. In fact, some have been producing new “Uru” content for years, adding their own “ages” using a hack for UbiSoft’s offline version of the game, and sharing the content with others. A prime example of how adventure gamers are absolutely starving for games to play.

 

Desperate as adventure gamers are for more products, there’s no sign of the market picking up any time soon. Demand, although it exists, isn’t even close to being high enough to make production feasible for most studios. The once colossal adventure market seems destined to be eclipsed by the action market for the foreseeable future, despite the fact that there are more adventure game fans now than ever before. We are a small market… but we are a devoted one.

Name This Recipe?

Right now I call this recipe “Mexican Potatoes”. It’s a little generic, and does the fact that it contains refried beans, salsa, and guacamole really make it “Mexican”? I’d like to think of a better name. I want to keep the name short (2 or 3 words) so that when someone asks “What’s for dinner?” the answer can be short and sweet.

The dish consists of 4 layers: warm refried beans, hot fried potatoes, chilled salsa, and chilled guacamole. Frying the potatoes is the most time consuming part, so that layer can be replaced with frozen french fries from the oven, or even pre-browned hash browns, quickly heated in a frying pan.

I’m not sure if the recipe really needs a new name, but if anyone has any ideas, please, let me know.

“Mexican Potatoes”?

Serves 4 as a complete vegan meal.

Ingredients:
1 small can of vegetarian refried beans
6 medium russet potatoes
vegetable oil for frying
sea salt and pepper to taste

For salsa:
4 roma tomatoes, diced
3 green onions (chives), chopped
1 medium to large clove of garlic, finely chopped or minced
2 tsp of dried (or 1 tbsp fresh chopped) cilantro
Optional pinch of cayenne for those who like their salsa hot (I don’t usually)

For Guacamole:
3 medium hass avocados
1-2 tbsp salsa (use the fresh from this recipe or store bought with beans and corn)
½ tsp (approx) chili powder
garlic salt or sea salt to taste

Instructions:

1. Fry the Potatoes:
   • Boil the potatoes in a large pot, with enough water to cover them, for about 40 minutes. Tip: They’ll brown better if they’re chilled after boiling, so you may want to do this earlier in the day, or even the day before.
   • After the potatoes have cooled, slice about ¼ inch thick.
   • In a large frying pan (I use a 9”x13” electric frying pan set to about 300° F), heat the oil and then fry the potatoes, turning to brown to a crisp on both sides, and lightly seasoning with salt and pepper. Keep hot until ready to serve.
2. To make the salsa: Place the diced roma tomatoes, the chopped green onions, the finely chopped garlic, and the cilantro in a bowel. Stir until mixed well. Chill until ready to serve.
3. To make the guacamole: Remove the skins and seeds from the avocados, place in a bowel and mash with a fork. Add the salsa, chili powder, and salt. Stir until mixed well. Cover tightly and chill until ready to serve. Tip: If the guacamole will sit for more than a couple hours, add a little lemon juice to help keep it from turning brown.
4. A few minutes before serving, heat the refried beans in the microwave at 50% power for 2-3 minutes, until hot. Stir to spread the heat evenly — or heat them in a saucepan on the stove over medium-low heat, stirring constantly, until hot. Tip: If the beans dry out too much while heating on the stove, add just a little bit of water and stir.
5. Serve: This dish consists of 2 hot layers, topped with 2 cold layers. It’s the differences in temperatures that really make this dish so delectable.
   1st Layer (warm) — Spread some of the warm refried beans across the plate.
   2nd Layer (hot) — Add a layer of some of the hot fried potatoes.
   3rd Layer (cool) — Spoon on a layer of the salsa.
   4th Layer (cool) — Top with guacamole. Enjoy right away

“Opinion TV” Confused with “The News”

Is it just me, or has the 99.9% of what’s on cable news channels become pure opinion. Almost every time I tune to what is supposed to be the news, I see some supposed expert speculating on what might happen in the future. I don’t care about what so and so thinks is going to happen, I want to know what is happening, and how it relates to the world as a whole. I’ll form my own opinions based on that.

Beyond my personal preferences, it is a tragedy that viewers often confuse all these opinions with fact and inexcusable that so many “journalists” are unaware there’s even a difference. Attempts to psychically see the future, in order to be the “first” to report the “news”, has become far too “acceptable” a practice these days. The best “news source” is apparently the one that can correctly intuit what’s going to happen before their competitors do. Hold on, I think I’m having a vision!

Now don’t get me wrong, lively intelligent debate is essential to the health of our society. But it shouldn’t be confused with news, which should be as close to fact as we can possibly manage. Debate and commentary (to inspire debate) on a network that is supposed to be all about news is an attempt to sell opinion as fact. Ethically, opinion should be on other networks, not labeled as “news networks”, where fact and opinion aren’t so easily confused. You know, like Comedy Central.

How is spewing out one’s personal intuitions, which may or may not turn out to be true, good journalism? I mean I’m perfectly capable of making guesses myself, thank you – I have a brain of my own. Opinion and fact are two different things — subjective and objective, and I think I remember something from my childhood about the news supposedly being objective. Don’t they still try to sell it that way? “Who’s the most objective news source? We are.” And if you’re selling it as objective (factual), shouldn’t it mostly be facts?

Of course there are journalists who try to get actual news stories on the air. Every once in a while you’ll hear one interviewed talking about how hard he or she worked on a story about something truly important, and then their producer wouldn’t air it — apparently because they had some really urgent psychic predictions and personal feelings to air instead.

It’s not like there’s a lack of news for the “news” networks to report on. Afghanistan and Africa are sorely underreported on, and I am sure there are other extremely important issues I know nothing about because no one is covering them. The news channels don’t need to have all this “filler”, and if a day ever did occur that there was truly nothing happening anywhere in the world that anyone might care about, I’d rather they show something that couldn’t possibly be confused with news – like music videos, cartoons, hell even a blue screen with the words “nothing happing right now” would be more ethical. Couldn’t they just show the weather and stock market reports if there’s really nothing happening? At least then I wouldn’t waste my time sifting through the news on the off chance they might show some actual news.